The FriendChart Tutorial IV - Exceptions, Consessions and Extra Points

As we move forward into this, the first of the "advanced" tutorials in FriendChartography, it is important to note some vocabulary issues. Whenever the word "Friend" is used henceforth, it is meant to indicate a friend as defined by the FriendChart. Also you will begin to see frequent incidents of what appear to be spelling errors, but are, in fact, labels given to Friend related nouns, which are, admittedly, completely made up.

While the amount of FriendMiles you've put on the ol' Calender Odometer is the surest measure of a TrueFriend, there are other, more esoteric and personal yardsticks with which to quantify Friendship. These, more specific degrees are appropriate for differenitating the value of each distinct Friendship in which one might choose to invest their finite FriendCapital.

Because the FriendChart recognized the beauty of each individual Friendship, but mostly because NewFriends tend to get pretty whiny about the fact that the FriendChart is so obviously protectionist toward LongTermFriends, allowing little opportunity for NewFriends to make headway toward any sort of substantial FriendRanking, FriendPoints can be earned in more unconventional ways, beyond the simple counting of calendar years.

The following is a summary of the ways in which Friendship can be further quantified:

The Roommate Incentive Package:

Friends will inevitably come into conflict in a variety of ways, none so intense as those that come with living together. There may very well be good, conscientious roommates out there. Roommates that are thoughtful, and...what's the opposite of self-absorbed? It doesn't matter.

The author of this tutorial is NOT one of those people. What the author of this tutorial IS, is a firm believer in what Emerson called "A Universal Sense, The Latent Conviction", the belief that what is true to one's self, is true to all men.

Thus, all people must be bad roommates: Inconsiderate, self-serving, and thoughtless. Because it is so difficult to live with someone, especially a friend, and walk away with a friendship intact, extra credit is given to those who accomplish this herculean task.

For every year you live with a friend you will earn an additional year of FriendPoints. This is the highest level of ExtraFriendPoints one can earn, because there is little in this world more difficult than living with a friend.

The WorkFriend's Payday:

While the author of this tutorial has tried tirelessly throughout his FriendCareer to separate work and friendship, in part because he doesn't believe in double dipping, but more so because he lacks the requisite social skills necessary to develop and maintain friendships at work without compromising the facade of professional that makes him employable, he realizes that there is a small, desperate segment of the population that actually seems to thrive in the social arena of the workplace.

While it may not be difficult to maintain personal, daily interaction with your friends at work, the day to day stresses, office politics, and professional backstabbing of the work place can place undue stress on a friendship. It is with this in mind that friends who then work together gain 1/2 of a FriendPoint for each year they work together. These points may also be applied to a FriendRanking retroactively when a friendship which develops out of working together extends into an out of work friendship.

At this time, these are the only two exceptions that the FriendChart is willing to make to the Points System, but the FriendChart is an ever evolving organism, given to placating all sorts of special interests, and is open to suggestions on how it might compromise the points system for your convenience. It is not entirely unlikely that within the week there will be a myriad of new Point Opportunities.

Author's Note: In retrospect, this could have been a much shorter Tutorial, consisting of no more than five sentences.

One Year Living Together = 1 additional point
One Year Working Together = 1/2 additional point

SEE??

FriendChart Quick Tip I - Dealing With Naysayers

It should come as no surprise, that as you begin to weed out the un-friends from your social group, and bestow the title of "Friend" upon those who are worthy, you'll run into a few disgruntled naysayers.

It is likely that, out of any number of reasons, including, but not limited to petty jealousy, infantile anger, or the application of reason, and logic, naysayers will try to convince you of the invalidity of the FriendChart system.

These individuals tend to be desperate loners who have failed to pass the litmus test of the FreindChart system, and are thus quite discontented. They would like nothing less than to keenly observe, and then point out the glaringly obvious flaws, and flimsy logic which constitute the foundations of the FriendChart.

Killjoys that they are, FriendChart Naysayers will take every opportunity to mention to you that the FriendChart takes friendship, beautiful institution that it is, and reconstitutes it into a bland, loveless mush, distilled down to a mere mathematical equation.

They are correct, but, unfortunately for them, a major tenet of the FriendChart is obtuse, stubborn, ignorance to the subtleties of human interaction, as well as to the opinions of anyone who is not in your top five, or whom you've known less than one year. So they can just go straight to hell and die.