The FriendChart Tutorial I - The Five Finger Rule

The FriendChart is more than a simple manifestation of one man's most deep seeded insecurities. It is the basis for the identification, categorization, and judgment of all of your closest non-familial relationships.

It is a complex undertaking; placing your friends under such a lens. To aid you, the novice FriendChartographer, in determining who your true friends are and trimming the acquaintances who haven't made the appropriate effort to earn the moniker of "FRIEND", I've put together a brief tutorial of the FriendChart Basics.

Advanced FriendChartography is no simple task. But fear not. You can start small and work up. You shouldn't expect to be and expert at the outset.

The FriendChart is based on a simple five finger rule. This rule is founded on the philosophy that each of us has five fingers (when you completely disregard one of your hands) Thus you have room for exactly five friends.

Each finger has a value, and thus your friends can be ranked in relations to their importance in your life.

Take the Index and Middle fingers for instance. These are your two best friend fingers. The FriendChart allows for up to TWO unranked best friends. Best friends are a very special commodity, and as with any precious possession you should always have a spare. These friends are good alone or as a team.

These two best friends are followed by the second tier friend. This friend. The thumb friend is very loyal and can be very helpful. This is the friend who may or may not believe him or herself to have attained best friend status. This is not actually the case, but it would unkind to tell them. Keep it to yourelf and save them for a rainy day.

Most people can get by with just those three best friends. To be quite frank more than three friends tends to get complicated and sometimes uncomfortable. But for those who feel the need to temp fate with such an extravagant number of friends, there is the fourth friend, or the pinky friend. This friend is the cute one. He doesn't really serve a purpose, but he makes for safe friendship investment. He'll probably draw more people to you than your flashier best friends because he puts people at ease with his inoffensive, benign, and affable manner.

This brings us to the final friend. Friend number five, and much like the finger he occupies, he's pretty much useless on his own. He doesn't really stand up well without your entire cadre of friends and when he attempts to it is awkward, almost painful for all involved.

Despite his shortcomings Friend Five is as necessary as any to rounding out the group and creating a Voltronlike Flying Fist of Friendship Fury.

Now that you've got the basics go out, judge your friends. Rank them, re-rank them. Let them know where they stand, and watch as they scramble to improve their position.